The air is pure velvet. A whisper of thunder, and sparks of electricity dance across the sky. The wind is moving the clouds in. We sit outside . . . wondering . . . where have the wild animals gone for safety? Now, waiting for the blessed rain to kiss the desert. It is only excitement and calm.
NOW IT'S UP TO YOU AND ME
America was forged by men and women who voiced their convictions and beliefs. No pussy footing. No beating around the bush. These were tough folks who fought for their principles and ethics. And, when they had won, they drafted a document which eloquently represented the ideology which became our country. Their words were carefully and deliberately chosen. Their language was sophisticated and elegant. No tweets.
We’ve come a long way since then. We’ve become a generation of softies. Rather than state our strongly held convictions in civilized words as befitting a country that supposedly believes in education and intellect, we do the opposite. We stand back and watch as Trump mocks, bullies, antagonizes, hurls insults and pulverizes the dignity of our country. He acts in ways we would never ever tolerate from our children.
We know that Donald Trump isn’t well. We know that he is mentally unstable. This isn’t a political statement and it’s not an opinion. I, and 3,000 other mental health practitioners, made this pronouncement and signed our names to a manifesto. Some went on to diagnose him and were accused of being unprofessional, rather than being thanked for sharing their years of knowledge and clinical expertise.
In a dysfunctional family, the least healthy person sets the tone. Typically, everyone adjusts to their dance because it just feels easier. But, over time, the family begins to feel sick, on edge, exhausted and fearful. Sound familiar? In a sick family, the members speak in bizarrely protective terms we call Denial. They cover for the ill person. They explain away his behavior. They don’t look at the forest, they focus on each tree as a little event which isn’t a big deal. But, when put together, all those little trees create a forest of diseased thinking which can lead to dangerous outcomes.
As we slog forward into this presidency, and as Trump’s mean spirited, deregulated, unhinged nastiness continues, more people are coming out of denial. They’re worried that this unstable behavior is actually who Trump REALLY is. He’s not a man off his A-Game simply because he is not a career politician. No. He’s not on his A-Game because he has no A-Game. And he never did.
All one has to do is go back over Trump’s work and social history to see that he has always been unstable. The facts have never been hidden. It’s just that millions of voters made excuses for Trump because they fell in love with the idea of him and forgot the truth about him. And now, this sick person holds the greatest position of power over our collective American family.
Just as in a sick family, worried voters, journalists and politicians have been censoring themselves rather than authentically addressing and vocalizing their concerns. Yes, they may be discretely talking behind closed doors. But what good is that? Some of us might be sending texts and tweets, but that’s mere venting. That’s not building reasoned arguments. It’s emotional blurting towards nothing. We didn’t learn that strategy from our Founding Fathers, that’s for sure.
As much as we point the finger at Trump, we need take a serious look at our own conspiratorial actions. Haven’t we, in our silence, become part of the problem? Haven’t we suppressed our ethics? Haven’t we lost our courage? Will we look back in four years with shame as we realize that we stood silently by and betrayed our convictions, beliefs and mental health?
Our current American family has a father figure who is suffering from mental illness. We can (1) decide to protect our daddy and hope he will get his shit together, or (2) we can take action, knowing that a diseased parent will leave us kids feeling beat up, embarrassed, ashamed and even put us in harms way. If we opt for #2, we must break our personal silence. Remember, secrecy is the hallmark of the dysfunctional family. If you think watching a damaged family go down in flames is terrifying, consider the results as a country suffers abuse at the hands of a deranged president/father.
If you are waiting for Trump to change, fuggedaboutit. Too late. He’s proven that. The “experts” thought that he would rise to the job. No way. Take it from a therapist, people change who are highly motivated to change. That’s not this guy.
We need to find our guts and harness the energy and mission of our founding “good” fathers and mothers, the ones who tried to build a functional family called America. Only by letting our communal denial fall away, will we muster our courage and find our voices. Then we will see this American family change.
You think your voice doesn’t matter? Think again.